On Destination Wedding, Battle of the Guest List

I'm taking 'an elevated level' of risk in publishing this article. Some readers might find this downright unpopular (or insensitive?) as I tackle the 'battle of the (wedding) guest list' and our reasons for planning a destination wedding. 

I  sought clearance from BFD to post this on his behalf.  Should this article fail to give you good vibes, please accept our apologies. 

 

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This is not about BFD vs. Meowth, face off round  This is similar to a conventional plot in a story where the protagonist finds him/herself in conflict - man vs. himself...BFD + Meowth conquering the task of filling up 100 seats for their wedding. 

We could easily fill up the list, but we're afraid that we're going to talk about 200 guests at the minimum. 

We could have kept everything confidential...but why?  What's there to hide? 

BFD and I are not in trouble with the law...and what we're set to do is lawful in the eyes of the State and the Church.  One of the most natural things in this planet is for two legally single individuals to fall in-love, set an altar date, and have their union blessed by the Church.  It's no secret.  Happiness shared is happiness multiplied - I read this somewhere. 

Sabi nila, ang wedding ceremony daw ay 'call' ng bride.  Baka hanggang 80 guests na lang kami kung 'call' ko lahat!  Though I'm from a big clan, I'm not fond of big weddings. 

Why plan a destination wedding? 

1.  We want to keep our wedding ceremony + reception small, cozy, and intimate. 

Intimate, in the sense that we are inclined to invite only family members and (super-duper) close friends. 

Here's the math, in worded equations:

*  My mother has 11 siblings.  I have 14 cousins, 7 cousins-in-law (that's how I call it), 2 future cousins-in-law, 7 nieces, and 4 nephews - including those in the US.  My father has 4 siblings.  I have a brother, and a cat-chasing-no-gf-since-birth pet dog (my parents' grandson/pet).  I'm close to everyone in our family. 

*  BFD has about 20 people under the 'family category' in our guest list.  My share of headcount in this category has already reached 45. 

*  BFD and I are both social beings with big network of friends.  I'm writing this again - filling up the guest list is tough.  We're not even done yet. 

*  In the roster of our blogger-runner-friends or  runner-friends, only one person is given full access to the wedding (at this point)...because he has to fulfll the role of being our on-the-day wedding coordinator. 

2.  We don't have any politicians or high-ranking generals in our guest list. 

We don't want any political spectacles in our wedding.  We don't want to be identified with any politicians.  No offense meant. 

Our entourage is lean.  As in, very lean.

3.  The choice of destination is somewhere close to our hearts. 

Singapore could have been the top choice, if not for the overwhelming and uber expensive logistics. 

We found a place that is more charming, reminiscent of our Pinoy heritage, timeless...where our guests can relax and celebrate with us.  Like our relationship, this place offers the proverbial 'breath of fresh air.' 

4.  We're keeping the expenses at a reasonable level. 

Though BFD and I are both financially stable, we don't want to start our marriage in the red.  We are applying a 50/50 split on our wedding expenses.  We didn't ask for a single centavo from our family.  It's not about pride, but it's more of keeping us responsible for the cost and outcome of any task or 'project' that we are to handle as a couple. 

5.  "We cannot turn water into wine."

Remember the story of the Wedding in Cana?  Only Jesus can perform such miracle of turning water into wine.  His gesture saved the couple from embarassment - they almost ran out of wine for their guests.  Jesus wasn't inclined to perform his first public miracle in that event, but he was moved through the intercession of Mother Mary. 

We cannot please everyone, and we don't want to entertain this kind of pressure. 

We want to move around our wedding reception and mingle with our guests - make them feel comfortable, everyone enjoys the food in generous serving.  Our guests would drive for about 1.5 hours to destination, and another 1.5 - 2hrs to drive home.  We cannot assure our guests of a comfy reception, if there are over 200 guests in the event.  It's not feasible for a 3-hour reception. 

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The Venue

It took BFD and I over 2 months to finalize the reception venue.  It was tough - we had to consider the accessibility of the venue, weather, accomodation, caterer, menu, budget, expected number of guests, and the wedding theme, of course.

We are now finalizing the layout.  One of our requirements is to put our table closer to our guests - cozy, not stiff-formal.  The rest is about putting the right accents, for the arrangement to follow a single theme. My beloved Groomzilla BFD volunteered to draft a layout and work on the details, together with the Banquet Manager and Coordinators. =)

     Our Top 3 Picks
     (I will publish another article about our wedding suppliers and why we chose to work with them.)

     A. Quaint, rustic charm

     B. Blank canvas for a modern Filipiniana theme

     C.  I love flowers.  BFD wants to give me a garden. Moment naman ito.  (E.g. Louis XVI to Marie Antoinette, Gardens of Versailles) 

Our Canonical Interview: Nagtatanong din ang Simbahan

My previous posts are published in Tagalog/English (Taglish).  This is how I intend to publish my articles on Pinoy Catholic Wedding.  As I try to learn about traditions by heart, wedding traditions in particular, the more I understand why certain things are institutionalized - the human/social/familial/spiritual values, which the early generations tried to pass on to us.  I shared my piece on courtship and engagement (Pamamanhikan) in my previous articles.  I dedicate those articles to my family - their unconditional love has prepared me for my lifelong Christian vocation - it's called married life.

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Hindi pa din lipas at ayaw namin lumipas ni BFD ang aming mga eksena na 'gazing at each other' ang peg.  Though matured love is what we share, innate na sa amin dalawa ang pagiging cheesy kahit wala pa naman kami pambili ng factory na gumagawa ng cheese..siguro pag nag Initial Public Offering (IPO) na ang mga cheese factory sa stock market, pwede na kami bumili ng shares (speculators/investors din kami ni BFD sa stock market kahit noon hindi pa kami magkakilala). 



From http://madamefromageblog.com

Wala pang alas nwebe ng umaga ay nasa Parish Office na kami.  Halos 1.5 hours din kami nag-drive mula bahay hanggang simbahan. Ganito nga talaga siguro, since we are planning a destination wedding. 

BFD:  Weekday ngayon and weekday din ang wedding natin, sabihan natin ang mga guest  to allot at least 1.5 hour-transit time from Manila. 

Napangiti ako. Ganyan talaga sya ka-detalyado sa pagpaplano ng aming altar date.  At bago kami bumaba ng car, pinaalala ulit sa akin ni BFD ang aking jacket.  Lamigin kasi ako.

We're the third couple to register for a Canonical Interview that day.  The Parish conducts interview only once a week. Couples who are engaged to marry are required to undergo a Canonical Interview, which is conducted by the Parish Priest. The Priest, being the representative of Christ, is given the task to assess our readiness to receive the Sacrament of Matrimony (kasal). 

Kasalukuyan kaming nasa eksena na 'gazing at each other' nang tawagin kami ni Sis. Cora para maghanda na sa aming Canonical Interview sa Parish Priest na si Fr. Jeff. 

Step 1.  The Parish Office required us to fill up a form.  Dito pa lang ay may tanong na kagaya nito:
    *  When and where did you meet?  (Hindi lang sa Slam Book for Graders circa 1988 itinatanong yan -- bawal ang sagot na 'SECRET')
    *  How long have you known each other? 
    *  How long have you been dating?
    *  How long have you been engaged?
    *  Why do you want to get married? 

BFD and I compared notes. Para kaming mga teenager na nagkokopyahan ng assignment. At parang classmate ko lang si BFD na pumapasok ng school na walang ballpen...buti na lang may extra ako ballpen. 

Step 2.  Brief review of Catechism - hindi naman kami pinag-recite ni Sis. Cora ng mahahabang prayers.  Sobrang natuwa kami sa kanya dahil inimbitahan nya pa kami ni BFD sa kanilang convent.  She told us that she will include us in her prayers.  Ang sarap ng pakiramdam na madami nagbibigay ng blessing.  =)

Ang mga bilin ni Sis. Cora: 

*  "The family that prays together, stays together."  God is the center of your marriage.  Sa kahit anong test na daraanan, Sya ang una ninyong lalapitan. 

*  We need to teach our children good sense of values - kahit nasa tummy pa lang sila.  Madami ng studies na nagpapakita na madaling turuan ang mga bata, kahit nasa womb pa lang ng nanay. 

*  We didn't choose each other.  God made a plan to bring the two of us together. We are called to a Christian vocation - married life.  We must build a family that will benefit the society. 

Step 3.  Interview with Fr. Jeff - masaya ito!  Unang tinawag si BFD at naiwan ako sa labas ng office...naririnig ko silang nagtatawanan.  Hmmm?  Halos 20 minutes ata ang itinagal ni BFD sa loob ng office. Nang bumukas ang pinto, ako naman ang tinawag ni Fr. Jeff.

Fr. Jeff (nakangiti siya na parang si Cardinal Tagle):  Nakahanda ka na ba para sa buhay may asawa?

Me:  Yes, Father.

Fr. Jeff (na nagpatuloy sa mahinahon na pagtatanong):  Meron ka bang pag-aalinlangan?  Hindi ka ba natatakot?  Meron bang maaaring humadlang sa kasal?

Me:  I used to be so scared about the idea...I mean, marriage itself.  For sometime, I thought I was not cut out for it...but now I can say whole-heartedly that I'm ready to spend the rest of my life with BFD...kung sa ayaw?  Wala naman po na may ayaw...pero yung Tatay ko po, more than a month na umiiyak... (and I smiled, recognizing the warmth of my Tatay's love). Ikakasal nyo po ba kami kahit umiyak ang Tatay ko sa simbahan?

Fr. Jeff (napatawa lang):  Alam mo, nabanggit yan sa akin ni BFD.  Your Father was working overseas half his life. I think he has been trying to make up for the years he was away.

My Father made a great deal of sacrifice for our family.  By God's Grace, everything turned out well...and that my parents are now enjoying their retirement, free of illnesses - both physical and spritual. 

Fr. Jeff (nakangiti pa din sa akin, no judgement):  Ano ang naisipan mo at ikaw ngayon ay magpapakasal?

I like the way the Church handled the interview.  Sila Sis. Cora, the Parish's wedding coordinators, pati si Fr. Jeff - they asked personal questions, but there was no judgement.  Everyone is generous in pronouncing their blessing.  Masarap sa pakiramdam with all the support BFD and I are receiving.

Me (bigla ata ako nagblush): Hehehehe...dati akala ko, okay mag-isa. I reached a point wherein I didn't want to get married at all. 

Fr. Jeff:  Naku, sayang...dapat pala nag-madre ka!

Me:  Hindi po ako tatanggapin sa kumbento...hehehehe...I lived the best single life I could muster.  Lahat ng gusto ko...I pursued my interests.  I traveled.  I ran as if there was no tomorrow...until I found myself thinking about how it is to share my life with someone who is my equal and equally worthy.  I told myself to snap out of it - I didn't want to be emotionally dependent on anyone...but the thought kept coming back...and one day I told God...'ayoko na po mag-isip na kumpleto na ko...sige na nga Lord, gusto ko na ng lifetime partner.' 

Fr. Jeff:  After that realization, what did you do?

Me (feeling how faith has 'saved' me):  I prayed...until one day BFD went with me to the Pink Sisters' Chapel, and I knew from that day that he is The One...hindi po ba kayo magtataka na bakit tila whirlwind? 

Fr. Jeff:  Hindi ko masabi na whirlwind ang kwento nyo ni BFD.  Nakausap ko sya kanina at sya ang tipo ng tao na may direksyon sa buhay.  Madami ka pa malalaman tungkol sa kanya kapag kayo ay magkasama na bilang mag-asawa...maaring mas okay pala sya, maaring medyo may hindi okay sa kanya, or maari din na kung paano mo sya nakilala ngayon, ganyan na talaga sya. Walang perfect. Acceptance. Forgiveness.

With a more reassuring smile, he continued...

Fr. Jeff:  Mataas ang kompyansa ko na kaya nyong dalawa mamuhay nang maayos at magtaguyod ng matibay na pamilya...Let God be the center of your marriage...at wag kakalimutan, open communication, though I can see right now that you can communicate effectively with each other at different levels. 

May ilang bagay pa kami napag-usapan ni Fr. Jeff.  Ilang tanong pa at paalala. 

Lumabas kami ng Simbahan ni BFD nang araw na iyon na bitbit hindi lamang ang Wedding Banns, mas nadagdagan pa ang kompyansa na kaya namin maging maayos lahat...it's not just about the wedding, but more importantly, our readiness and disposition towards sharing a life together bound by love and marriage.  =)


Photo by BFD

Tatay Ko, Nanay Ko, Si BFD, at ang Pamamanhikan

PANIMULA:  Walang kinalaman sa pelikulang Tanging Yaman ang akdang ito.  Wala din ako mga violent scene na maaaring maibahagi sa inyo.  Sa ilan na nagpadala ng liham (email), narito na ang tugon ko sa inyong request na magsulat tungkol sa 'Pamamanhikan.'  Muli kong pinili na ibahagi ang kwento sa wikang Tagalog dahil na rin ang 'Pamamanhikan' ay bahagi na ng kulturang Filipino. 

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Tubong Cavite ang buong pamilya namin. Ang Tatay ko ay nabibilang sa henerasyon na sumubaybay sa mga anting-anting o agimat (amulet) sa Cavite.  Kung totoo man na may anting-anting, mahihirapan ang Tatay ko maghanap nito para kontrahin ang nararamdaman nyang...ah, stress (?)...tungkol sa nalalapit na Pamamanhikan nila BFD at ng kanyang mga magulang.  Nasa denial stage pa ang Tatay ko.

Larawan mula sa video48.blogspot.com

Kinakabahan si BFD...ganon din ako.  Nag-aalala kasi sya na baka hindi pumayag ang Tatay ko na magpakasal kami.  Malamang, baka magtanan (elope) na lang kami, but since 30++ na kami, baka out-of-the-country kami magtanan.  Kami na ang 30++ pero kinailangan ng parental consent???  Amasavehhhh!!!   

Mahalaga ang Pamamanhikan sa amin. Sa kulturang Pinoy, ang Pamamanhikan ay isinasagawa ng isang nobyo (The Boyfriend) kasama ang kanyang mga magulang (The Parents).  Sila ay pumupunta sa tahanan ng nobya (The Girlfriend) at doon nila ipinagpapaalam sa mga magulang ng nobya ang ibig ng nobyo na sila ay makasal na.  The Boyfriend, together with his parents, formally asks The Parents of the Girlfriend for their daughter's hand in marriage.  Ayan ha, ganyan yan.  Tradition also dictates that The Boyfriend and his family must bring food, which they will share with The Girlfriend's family. 

Pumunta ako sa ancestral house para kausapin ang mga Auntie ko na maging 'arbiter' kung sakaling i-decline ni Father Dearest ang request ni BFD na kami ay maging formally engaged to wed.  

Tita Lou:  Yan, Tatay mo, ibang klase.  Alam mo ba noon namanhikan yan sila para sa Nanay mo noong araw, pati panggatong na kahoy, dala nila dito.  (Pamamanhikan ng Tatay Ko, circa 1977, wala din pang alam sa gawaing bahay ang Nanay ko noon).

Tita Edna:  Naku, ihahanda ko na ang towel. 

Me:  Ano ba, bakit may towel pa? 

Tita Edna:  Sa kasal nyo, kulang ang panyo sa Tatay mo.  Iiyak na naman yon. 

Tita Bel:  Sige, kakausapin namin ang Tatay mo.  Mahirap na baka maging katulad ka namin matandang-dalaga.  (Spinsterhood:  it runs in the blood.)

Napagkasunduan namin ni BFD na isasama namin ang mga Auntie ko sa engagement dinner sa bahay.  Isa pang source of stress ni BFD ay kung ano ang dadalhin nilang pagkain, kasi sobrang health conscious ng Tatay ko - marami syang ayaw na pagkain.

Me:  Nanay, pupunta dito sila BFD kasama ang parents nya.  Ikaw na bahala sa Tatay.

Nanay ko:  Sige, dinner sila pupunta, ano?  Teka, bakit pa kasi sa summer pa kayo magpapakasal?  Gawin nyo ng January kasi.

Me:  Agad-agad? 

Atat na magka-apo ang Nanay ko (to be continued ang eksenang ito mamaya). 

Mabalik tayo sa Pamamanhikan...dumating na din ang araw na itinakda.  Hindi sumabay mag-dinner sa amin ang Tatay ko.  He just stayed in front of the TV.  Walang imik.  After dinner, my mother and BFD's parents joined Father Dearest in front of the TV.  Nagsalita na ang Tatay ko, pero ito ay tungkol sa kahalagahan ng pagkain ng gulay sa aming pamilya, lalo na ng malunggay (moringa) at saluyot (jute mallow).  Bumangka ng kwento ang Tatay ko at humaba na nga ang usapan ng magkabilang partido tungkol sa wastong pagkain.  Parang walang balak ang Tatay ko na pag-usapan ang kasal. 

At dahil medyo allergic na si BFD sa alas-nwebe ng gabi (dahil 'curfew' yon ng Tatay ko para sa kanya), pagsapit ng alas-nwebe ay sumali na sa usapan si BFD...baka siguro pauwiin na naman sya.

BFD:  Tay, pumapayag na po ba kayo na magpakasal kami?

Ang Tatay ko ay biglang natigilan.  Wala talagang mabisang anting-anting para huwag tuluyang tumigil ang mundo nya kapag kasal na namin ni BFD ang usapan.  Naroon na naman ang tila pamilyar na luha sa kanyang mga mata...mga mata na pilit ikinukubli ang pagkabalisa...pawang nakatuon ang paningin sa telebisyon na kanina pa ay wala naman nang naipakitang anumang palabas (naka-off na kasi ang TV). Hindi na rin nya pinahintulan ang sariling uminom ng kape, bagkus, sya ay uminom ng red wine na tila bang may halong pagdarasal na sya ay ilayo sa heart disease dahil sa nadaramang halong tuwa at kalungkutan.  Mag-aasawa na ang pinakamamahal nyang anak na babae (ako yan!).  At sa ilang saglit pa ay sinubukan nya uling iparinig sa lahat ang kanyang boses na kanina ay parang naglaho na lamang.

Tatay ko:  Pumapayag na ako...Gawin nyong mas maayos ang buhay nyo ng Anak ko.  Noon yan ay maliit na sanggol pa lang, ako pa ang bumabangon tuwing umiiyak sya sa gabi para ipagtimpla sya ng gatas...

Tahimik ang lahat.  Sinikap ng Tatay ko na huwag syang tuluyang lumuha...para na rin sa akin kasi nakita nya na masaya kami ni BFD.

Hinintay ko sabihin ng Tatay ko na hindi ako marunong ng gawaing bahay...aapila ako...marunong ata ako! Tinuruan ako ng lola ko na magluto at maglaba.  Though hindi ko core competencies ang mga iyan, pwede naman outsource ang mga iyan.   

Naka-set na lahat para sa kasal.  Pumayag na ang Tatay ko sa wakas.  Nitong huli lamang ay dumalo kami sa kasal ng pinsan ko.  Kasama syempre ang parents ko at si BFD.  Given naman na sa akin ipapasa ang bouquet, at ang garter ay kay BFD.  You guess it right, hindi na naman maipinta ang mukha ng Tatay ko.  =)
 

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...continuation ng eksena ng Nanay ko.

Iba naman ang perspective ng Nanay ko.  Moment nya ito....

Noon nag-retire ang Nanay ko sa pagiging educator may feeling sya na 'incomplete' dahil wala pa syang apo...kapag sinasabihan nya na ako na parang wala akong balak mag-asawa ay kulang na lang sabihin nya na 'she's a failure (sobfest)'...kaya ayun, noon 60th birthday nya, binigyan ko sya ng pet dog para makapag-practice na sya mag-alaga ng bata.

At nang minsan ay naabutan ko ang Nanay ko na kausap si Brian, ang aming pet dog.

Nanay ko:  (habang bitbit ang aso)  Brian, what is that? 

My mother pointed to a cat.  Brian the dog looked at the cat. 

Nanay ko:  Brian, that's a cat...and what did the cat say? 

Brian just stared at the cat.

Nanay ko:  The cat says, 'meow, meow.'

CONCLUSION:  Masakit sa bangs ang eksenang yan.  Kailangan na nga ng Nanay ko ng apo.