Running, Infertility, and #TheCubsProject

I love running.  I ran. I stopped. I run again...these things I usually say and do.  I always go back to running no matter how crazy life could get.

I met the love of my life, at the time my age can no longer be found in the calendar.  We met through the local running community.  We sealed our love and life long commitment by marriage. The natural progression, of course, is to bear a healthy baby.  After two years, it is not yet happening. However, we are blessed in more ways than one, and I could not complain to God.  

The logical way to approach our infertility situation is to try different means - whether through natural means or  science.  We cannot expect a different result at the end of each cycle, if we would insist on the same approach over and over again. #TheCubsProject

After months of tracking the calendar, labeled and off-labeled medication, tummy injectibles, ovulation and pregnancy test kits to the trash bin, medical tests, and two failed artificial insemination cycles, still no baby.  

It was never as easy as Band Aid...a needle can puncture a heart.

I developed polyps, instead.  Those benign little monsters occupied my uterus quite aggressively, that they prevented embryos from implanting into my womb.  I used to imagine those polyps as tiny, alien-like creatures that I can smash with a frying pan.  "Die polyps! Die!"  Well, this violent thought did not exactly materialize.  Modern medicine helped me get rid of them.  Like preparing for the next championship game, my OB showed me the actual video of the polyps as we discussed the treatment, post-mortem.  We were getting ready for some action plans once healing is completed.

I won't describe the medication as pretty, as I do not have a good gauge how my hormones affected my emotions (brain chemicals).  While on medication, I had some emotional bouts of how life could become, particularly, my career.  I was once a prey to anxiety, paranoia - more of that 'fear of missing out', of being passed up for important work assignments because of my drive to challenge infertility.  Then, what used to help me deal by becoming open about the treatments made a 180-degree turn.  I crawled back to my shell, with some good memories of my past, but now non-existent comfort zone. My heart was broken. 

I prayed. I could not be more grateful for the abundance of love and support by my husband, our family, and friends.    

As soon as I got a go-signal from my OB to resume strenous physical activities, I enrolled in a gym.  Time to pick-up the pieces.  So, I went back to my regular walk-jog-run activities.  

It feels good to be running again.  

The thing about running is the motion of moving forward, moving ahead, and taking charge where to go.  Life is like that.  One has to keep moving forward.  Running creates a semblance, perhaps, at some point, symbolizes my strong will to carry on and rise above whatever challenges life or people throw at me.

Since I was not doing any regular runs for two years, I anticipated a few challenges. Crazy schedule and some degree of physical pain - those lactic acid build up in the legs...and yet, every time I overcome these things, it brings about the feeling of achieving small wins.  Even with small, incremental progress, I already feel like winning.  It's good.  I'm happy...oh, and the hashtags... #FeelingBlessed #HUMAN

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Related blog post :  The Fertility Blessing